Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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