what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
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