Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize