Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
