Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
