Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize