i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
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the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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