Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
