I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
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