You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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