matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
