Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Randomize
