great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
