I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Randomize