I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot