I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.