i permit you to call me
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
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He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
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Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
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