An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
