you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
