i can't believe i had my finger in that
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
My liver just had a heart attack.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Randomize
