I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
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I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
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First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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