i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
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