i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize