Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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