Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Randomize
