There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Randomize
