Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
