yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
