Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(469): View more from Texas

HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...

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(469): HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers... http://tfl.nu/21iq

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(704): View more from North Carolina

but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?

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(704): but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn? http://tfl.nu/yhjz

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(704): View more from North Carolina

you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"

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(704): you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!" http://tfl.nu/9nr0

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(401): View more from Rhode Island

i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest

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(401): i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest http://tfl.nu/hnl6

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(623): View more from Arizona

Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.

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(623): Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth. http://tfl.nu/v51o

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(843): View more from South Carolina

i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning

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(843): i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning http://tfl.nu/dohz

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(319): View more from Iowa

She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!

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(319): She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?! http://tfl.nu/73w6

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(815): View more from Illinois

you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.

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(815): you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night. http://tfl.nu/m1vr

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(818): View more from California

Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.

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(818): Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong. http://tfl.nu/rtog

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(951): View more from California

Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.

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(951): Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team. http://tfl.nu/ve6p

Replies (9) Good night (2001) Bad night (579)
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(609): View more from New Jersey

My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.

(1-609): View more from New Jersey

Why?

(609): View more from New Jersey

Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."

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(609): My professor just gave us a margarita recipe. (1-609): Why? (609): Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life." http://tfl.nu/ong0

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(804): View more from Virginia

by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.

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(804): by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious. http://tfl.nu/gquc

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(201): View more from New Jersey

I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."

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(201): I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl." http://tfl.nu/ji6j

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(763): View more from Minnesota

she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."

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(763): she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant." http://tfl.nu/1vw9

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(314): View more from Missouri

He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.

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(314): He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it. http://tfl.nu/p1fo

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