She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
