he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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