your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize