The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize