Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
this beer tastes like vomit already
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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