I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
