And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
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I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
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I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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