I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Drunk is not a location!
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