they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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