1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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