I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Randomize
