porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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