Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
