I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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