im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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