I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Randomize
