you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
