I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize