Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
