I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
