dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Randomize
