How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
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